i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
