Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
