You're completely useless in the revolution.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
