$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
