Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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