If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
