i don't like sucking hair
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
