I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I FOUND THE LEGS
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
