Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
