there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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