Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just had sex on a roof
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
