she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
