Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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