dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
