i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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