two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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