I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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