I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
