On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
North Korea, Best Korea!
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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