I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
