it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
