All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
