Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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