Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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