Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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