So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
