you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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