That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Every concussion has its silver lining
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
