dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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