I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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