i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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