Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We had sex on a dog bed..
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
