why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize