Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I love you.
Bad choice
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