I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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