My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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