Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
