HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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