Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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