So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
