sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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