drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
