i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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