I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm really busy with my period
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