period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
