Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
