I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
