You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
