I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
