Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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