i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
