trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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