Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
