I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Dignity is for republicans.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
