you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
