He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
