I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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