you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
