He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
