I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Randomize
