The brown eye won't let me do that either.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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