I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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