Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
