He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
