All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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