I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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