Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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