what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
