id be glad to
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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