Sry I called you an 8
I wish you could order shots online.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
