I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
