I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
