Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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