just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
lets start a swedish sibling band together
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
