I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
