Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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