I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
