Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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