My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize