Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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