I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
