i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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