What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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