You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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