i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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