remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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