sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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