$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
