I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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