I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
