He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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