none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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